As most of you know I am a huge fan of The Love Languages. I find the entire idea behind it fascinating and more importantly-true! I’ve written about the Love Languages before and I’ve also talked about How To Love Your Children According to Their Love Languages. Today I want to share with you a little bit about words of affirmation!
My highest scoring love language always has been words of affirmation, with no shock to the people in the audience. It’s the strongest in how I love and in how I receive love. My other love languages sometimes gain or lose in momentum but words stays at the top. This is a challenging aspect of our relationship because Josh’s lowest love language? You guessed it-WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
Thus the past six years of our relationship? A lot of me trying to explain what it is that helps me feel loved. It’s been trial and error as he, bless his heart, fumbled around in a love language he really isn’t very good at. (I told him I was going to tell y’all that, so no worries.) I wanted to share just a few ways to show the love through words of affirmation. If there are any other husbands or wives out their trying to get it right, this is for you. Straight from a word obsessed wife…how to love your spouse when their love language is Words of Affirmation!
The Basics of Loving With Words of Affirmation:
When you’re out or about, compliment them! talk about how they make you happy, tell others about how strong they are. Make sure they hear it. When you’re hanging out at home, randomly tell them you love them. Send them a text message throughout the day to remind them you’re thinking about them.
Gents, take advantage of “Woman Crush Wednesday”! Ladies, use that “Man Crush Monday”! Take a moment to write a sweet message on your status or leave the compliment on their Facebook wall. Let me say this very clearly- your spouse isn’t trying to be needy. I struggle with the fact that it feels so *needy* to ask for my husband to say how much he loves me, but it’s truly not that. I feel more loved when he compliments me or says kind things than I do if he buys me expensive jewelry or does all the dishes. It’s just who I am.
Don’t insult them in front of others
And on the flip side, my friends, do not insult them in front of others. I urge you to be truly careful with your words. I can tell you almost every thing my husband has said negatively about me. As words can build me up and warm my heart to love, they also have the power to destroy. When your spouse has words of affirmation as their love language, be aware of your words. We should always strive to use words that are acceptable to God no matter what the love language is, however in these cases, you may need to be even more aware. Your words can build your spouse up-but can also destroy them.
In the chance you do hurt them, make sure you apologize using real words! The simple commentary of “I am sorry” isn’t always how a person whose love language is Words of Affirmation may need those words for an apology as well.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14
And for my favorite part of this post…a list of 20 ways to love on your spouse when words of affirmation is their number one(or two!) love language. These are all things that I would totally want for myself!