I am from the generation of cell phones. I love them. I love social media; I enjoy having my life at my fingertips and others being able to get in contact with me constantly.
Since having kids though, I’ve been so bad at the responding part. My phone has gone through a weird phase of not telling me when a message arrives, which I will take any and all advice on how to fix. Even before that, however, I was struggling on answering someone who just messaged me. It would take me hours or worse; I just wouldn’t do it.
I felt pretty badly for this for awhile because I believe I’m a pretty courteous person as well as a people person and someone anyone can come to for help. But man, I was failing those who needed a shoulder to cry on through texting or the ones who wanted advice there. To top it all off, I’m an extrovert! Texting is supposed to come easily.
It was not like me.
But…it is like me. I’m a busy person, I love to be involved in the daily happenings of many people, and I have a lot on my plate. I’m growing and changing and one of those ways is that I can’t jump up and have a consistent texting conversation anymore. Being an extrovert makes me one of those weird people who would rather you call than me have to have a texting conversation, because internet friendships and written messages just don’t cut it for me.
I’m accepting I’m no longer the person who can be there for everyone, because I have kids and family who come first. And, as selfish as it sounds, I come first as well. I love who I am becoming, but I know it’s a hard transition for the other people who are used to me before.
To give a little insight, I wanted to share a few reasons why any mom may be “ignoring” or not responding to your texts.
- There is a break long enough to have both hands eating food and I’m going to take it. I love food. I love to eat. Far more often than not though, I do it with one hand. When I have a chance to use a fork and knife? I’m going to.
- I’m running after a toddler. People who say newborns are the hardest are wrong. Period. Sorry all you moms and dads out there who believe that…you are wrong. Toddlers are fast little speed demons who never stop. I can’t take my eyes or hands off them long enough to snap a photo, let alone respond to your text.
- You are requiring me to think. Guys, I’m touched out most days. I am alone with three kids during the day, or five at night. If you ask me things that are deep and intellectual and more than “What is your kids favorite food this hour?” I honestly need time to process and articulate my thoughts in a way that makes sense. Having kids brings down your intelligence level y’all.
- I need to cook or clean more than I need to check my phone. I’m a stay at home mom and wife. I want, more than most things, to provide my husband a clean space when he comes home, that he doesn’t have to worry about. This has nothing to with sexist or archaic beliefs; I look at being a SAHM as my job and want to be successful in it. When I don’t have to run after screeching kids, I do have to clean. (And sometimes cook. But he’s so much better at it than me.)
- I’m using the rest room or showering alone. And much like number one, when I get a chance to do these things alone, I don’t want to use my phone. I want to enjoy my silence and aloneness. Even extroverts have moments when they need space.
- I am cleaning up a bodily fluid. I invite you now to take your pick as to which one. I have two kids in diapers, one who spits up pretty regularly. Add that to the fact my kids are insane and run into walls for fun? Bandaids and towels and disinfectant wipes stocks are going up you guys, thanks to my family. I suggest buying into them now. Truthfully, bodily fluids come before everything. At least in my book.
- I just forgot or didn’t see it yet. I’m sorry to say this, but I’m busy and if your text isn’t an emergency, I’ll be waiting until I have a free moment. Or I haven’t checked my phone yet. Unless I know we’re going to be taking photos of what the kids are doing, I don’t carry my phone around the house with me. Again, it’s a thing with not having enough hands.
I still love you guys. All your mom friends do. But you need to understand life is a little insane for us and we try very hard to stay your friend while adjusting to our new lives.
I promise, I’ll respond as soon as I can! Just extend a little grace to me. And keep messaging me, because every so often I need the reminder.