Fighting for my Faith

I have a secret, one I hate to acknowledge.

I have a really hard time with having faith in God.

I know, that seems crazy considering how often I talk about my faith, all the things I do with my faith, being a big part of my great church…but I struggle often with keeping my faith. I don’t mean faith with a capital  “F”-I’m pretty solidly a Christian in the sense that I believe whole heartedly in Jesus Christ and the gospel. But when it comes to faith with a lower case “f”, the kind that believes in the things you d0001-149695718o not know and cannot see and waiting for God to come through? I rarely have that.

The Bible says to have the faith of a child, but I don’t. My kids hear something, we tell them it will be okay, God knows best and they take it. They smile, they believe; they have the kind of faith I wish I had.

Job had a faith I wish I could claim. A good, righteous man who the devil believed he could break and God knew Job would never falter. I read those verses often, wondering if I could have held that tightly in the face of the tragedies Job faced. In Job 42:2, it says ““I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Even in the face of everything he loved leaving, being cast down and attacked, Job looked to God to fulfill His promises. Even in the midst of the ugliest parts of this world, Job believed in His plan and would not turn from God.

I wish I could say I’m like that.

I wish I could say I never falter, that my faith is like Jobs. Like a child. But it’s not. I am a person of weak faith, who questions God at every turn. Despite being seen through so much, despite Him reaching down to the depths of my despair, I still find myself doubting and running from Him when things don’t seem perfect.

The Bible tells us that faith the size of a mustard seed is great in itself. But sometimes, I wish my faith wasn’t that little. I’d take a pumpkin seed instead. Or a sunflower seed.

I’m beginning to work on this aspect of my Christian life. It’s not an easy one, to make a doubter like myself begin to trust in God’s way every day, without a question. And I know I will fail just as often as I succeed, maybe more in the beginning of this journey. But I want my faith to be something I am honored by, not embarrassed by. So I am willing to take on the hard parts and fight for my faith.

I’m here to tell you all that you can feel free to hold me accountable. And to be authentic. My faith is weak, but I am trying-oh am I trying. I’ll take your prayers on it as well.

Any other Christians out there who struggle with their faith?


9 thoughts on “Fighting for my Faith

  1. I can completely relate with you on this post! I can be so hard to have faith in a God we can’t see! (Is a pastor’s wife allowed to say that) 😉 I have to constantly come back to His promises and remind myself that His Grace is enough to even cover my doubts. Time and again I quote the Bible and say to the Lord “I believe, help my unbelief!”

    • says:

      one of my favorite scriptures! I’ve been fighting to remember His Grace covers me wholly, without missing a single blemish. It’s so good o hear, but so hard to believe most days

  2. This really speaks to me. I’m in the middle of a rough season and I feel like my faith is so low. Sometimes I act out and speak against God, saying things like “well if he would just DO something I wouldn’t be so negative” only to wait a week and have some tremendous feat accomplished. Then the guilt. I don’t know why I can’t just learn that he ‘s done it a thousand times before, and he’ll continue to do it

    • says:

      I feel this! I was sitting there so angry the other day and then te next day…everything was perfect! Its so easy to know He has this but to believe He has it is a whole other subject.

  3. I hope you don’t feel discouraged my friend! Even Mother Teresa felt weak in faith at times – and doubting Thomas is still, St. Thomas! May the Lord give you the faith you seek! Great post, great reminder to show humility in our faith!

  4. I have been in rough seasons before, but I have found that if I just buckle down and recommit to reading scriptures that it helps rebuild my faith stronger than it was before. I appreciate your candidness and as someone who has been there, I know you can make it through it!

  5. This is definitely a struggle a lot of people can face during their religious walks. Seeing sometimes is believing for us humans and when we cannot see a God and when we do not know His plan it is hard to believe. But the secret is to let it be a mystery. If things are not going your way, smile, for it is the way of God. If things seem like they are going downhill, it is part of your Walk. Embrace everything that happens, smile about the negatives for it is God working in your life always. The doubts come when things do not go our way, so get rid of your plans and follow just one plan, His plan for you.

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