It’s been two long years since little Bug came earth side. Two years of loving on him, teaching him, watching him grow. He’s gone from a new little baby who could barely hold his own head up to a toddler running around and telling us exactly what he wants. It’s crazy to think how far he’s come. It’s crazy to look back and recognize how far our family has come.
It’s also crazy for me to look back at how I felt then about his birth and how I feel now.
Since I never really told his full birth story on this site, I decided that there would be no great time to do that like the present. I’ve hopefully had my successful VBAC by now or will be having it in the next few days. I want both our birth stories on here, for remembrance and also to show the difference in the times they enter this world.
Bug’s entrance into this world is one that I had a hard time with. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. At this point, I’ve grown much better and accepting with how he was born, but for a long time that peace was not there. I hope telling our story will also help me achieve more peace with his birth story.
I was 12 days past my due date when I went to the birthing center to be induced. The original plan was to go in at 15 days over and be induced on Sunday night, but after a week of contractions and little to no sleep, I was ready that Thursday morning. My husband and I headed down to town, early in the morning, over a wintry mess on the roads.
When we got to the center, after making it up the stairs and getting into the gown, the midwife checked me and gleefully let me know I was about a 3 for dilation. We were excited, because that meant we could put off the Pitocin and simply walk the hallways and bounce on the ball for awhile. I labored like that for a few hours and nothing progressed. About noon the midwife came in and broke my waters for me. Still, the progression was little to none.
At about 9pm, 12 hours after originally coming into the hospital, we decided it was time for an epidural and Pitocin. The epidural was amazing and allowed me to sleep for a few hours. They kept track of my contractions, and while the contractions began to stay at a steady pace and about two minutes apart, my cervix still was not dilating any more than a three.
At about midnight, the monitoring for Bug’s heart began to show it was being affected during each contraction. My midwife requested to do an internal monitor to see if it was okay, however his head was engaged and they couldn’t get the stick up into my cervix. She let me know this was a problem and she chose to call the OBGYN at that point. The OB came and told me they would recommend a cesarean at this point, for Bug’s safety.
The midwife held my hand while I cried.
While there’s nothing wrong with c sections and I am forever thankful it was an option to safely bring Bug into this world, it was not my first choice and this was no longer the birth I had hoped for. They prepped me for surgery and I was in there by 2am.
I wish I could have had a better experience during the actual surgery. My recovery afterwards was perfect; the midwives joked about me being the poster child for a cesarean. I was as far as the after goes…but I was far from the perfect cesarean patient when the actual surgery was happening.
While on the operating table, I had panic attacks and threw up all over the place. My body did not take to the pain medication well and I was extremely anxious the entire time. My birthing center offers skin to skin immediately after a c section and I refused because I was too worked up and didn’t want to hold him. Thankfully my amazing husband was right there and managed the immediate skin to skin before leaving me to be sewn up.
The aftermath, physically speaking, was amazing for me. I was able to stay awake and nurse him as soon as I got into recovery. Josh stayed in our room with me and helped me take care of him that first night as well and we all slept well. I was up and walking the next day, I never had any complications from any aspect of the cesarean.
Now, I’ve come to terms with the cesarean, but at first, I was extremely emotional and not okay with losing the birth I dreamt of.
His birth was far from perfect, but it was how he needed to come into our lives.
I am so happy I had a cesarean as an option, because it meant our little man was safe.
Two years later and I have the ability to look back at Bug’s birth happy about how it went. I’ll never really tell the story excitedly, but I will tell it as a triumph.
Happy birthday my little Bug. You’ve been an adventure since finding out I was pregnant, and you are no where near stopping that yet! We love you.