I’ve had a mini break from updating my blog and for a pretty great reason—our little baby Bear came into our world. I’ve been working on writing the birth story since before the actual birth and I am so excited to share it with you. Not because we got the VBAC we had planned and prepped for but because we had an amazing, healing, gentle and family oriented repeat cesarean. It was everything I hoped a VBAC would be…and more!
After a long, hard week filled with anxiety and doubt, my husband and I decided on Good Friday that going for a vaginal birth after cesarean was not as important as my sanity. We called the midwives and they told me to come in the next morning for an assessment of the pregnancy. If I was still feeling the same way, they would try to get me in for a c-section, if the room wasn’t preoccupied with an emergency and the other members of a cesarean team could make it!
We arrived at the hospital the next morning about 9am and I was still very much feeling like this was the best choice for us. I vocalized that to the nurse who did my assessment, a wonderful lady who was going to be my nurse for the entire surgery, and they put into motion a c-section. We had to talk over the risks and the midwife came in to make sure this was a decision I wanted to make, as well as the pediatrician to talk about our next pregnancy(and to ask if I wanted my tubes tied during this one…she happened to come in while my husband was out of the room and my best friend and I laughed at how horrible a “surprise” that would be for him!!)
By noonish, I was on my way into surgery. I walked myself into the room, a very different experience from being wheeled in and completely unaware of where we were going. Instead, I walked in and joked around with the anesthesiologist, who told me all about his week long vacation plans. My nurse and the doctor talked to me as they put in my spinal tap. I only threw up once!
Then a very calm me awaited my husband to be invited into the room and surgery to start. The atmosphere in the room was calm and peaceful the entire time. Finally, Josh joined me and we began. I talked to him and the anesthesiologist while they cut my body open and prepped. When they were ready, the midwife asked me if I was ready to give birth to my son and out he came! Peeing all over me, something that has become the norm now, he came out screaming and I felt absolute joy…none of the feelings of anger or grief I felt immediately after Bug’s birth. They brought him right around the curtain and I cried a little when they showed him to me. After they warmed him up a bit, they brought him directly to my chest and I was able to nurse him right there.
I held him for awhile as they began to clean me up, until I felt like I may throw up again and I asked them to take him for a few minutes. Josh left to let everyone know Bear was here and they all “oohed” and “ahed” over him in the warmer while they sewed me up. As soon as we were done, they handed Bear back to me and wheeled me back into the room while he was in my arms.
My repeat cesarean was an amazing experience. It left me feeling healed and blessed for being able to birth my child in a way that made me feel so connected and in love with him. I was in control and I was comfortable through the entire experience. I left it feeling renewed and filled with joy over the way it went. I already feel more connected with Bear from the beginning of not feeling angered at his entrance into this world.
While I still know the reasons why a VBAC is safe and healthy in most cases, I am a firm believer that you need to have a birth that begins a wonderful and healthy relationship…and my c-section has given me just that. I am excited for the next baby, excited for our next family oriented cesarean, and excited to continue to have good beginnings with our babes.