A few months back, I had a post get pretty popular entitled “5 Things Your Man SHOULD Do.” Now, I’m not big on telling anyone how to live their life-I prefer to show how I do things and you can use my tips and tricks if they help you. That’s possibly the first and only time(before this one) I ever told anyone what to do or what they should have.
However, in honor of Fathers Day this weekend, I decided to redo this post and talk about what all women should expect from the father of their children.
I’ve seen far too often my others feeling like they are alone. Mothers who feel like the entire weight of parenting is on only their shoulders. I desperately want to grab and shake moms who tell me that their spouses don’t help parent or around the house. I snap when dads say they’re “baby sitting” and honesty believe watching their children is a favor to the moms of their kids.
I’ve been extremely blessed my entire life to have amazing men to look up to, as husbands and fathers. I feel like I’ve married a wonderful husband and father as well.
I want to reassure women out there that they aren’t asking too much from the fathers of their children when they expect certain things from them. I firmly believe you should have expectations of the father of your child and if they don’t measure up, you should push them to.
While the dads in your life may struggle with certain aspects of this, they should at least try. My husband is not the perfect father nor is he the perfect husband-but he gives it 100% daily and he is passionate about being a dad-not just the guy who brings home the bacon and kisses mom.
He should be willing to help out around the house, anyway he can.
It took two to make that child-even if you didn’t have the baby biologically, he still had to sign the paperwork or chooses to be with you. You should expect him to step out and help out. From dishes, to laundry, to helping the kids with homework-all those parts of household responsibilities should not be on you alone.
Now, to be fair, my husband and I are pretty much stuck in the gender roles from years ago; he goes and works, I stay home and raise the babies. Much of the household items fall on me because it’s the job I chose. However, if it’s requested of him, he is the first person to step up and mop the floor.
Don’t settle for a man who tells you that those things are your job or makes you feel guilty for asking for help.
He should shower the children with attention.
Man, this one kills me. I hear woman after woman talk about how men just don’t parent the same as women, so they don’t play on the floor with their kids or rock the babies. Heck, I’ve heard women say their husband has never changed a diaper-and that’s four kids in! Marry someone willing to get on the pool with the kids and throw them. Someone who will bring them fishing, or to a museum, or out on a nature walk. Someone who will get down on the floor and play dinosaurs or barbies. He doesn’t have to be all those things(because we all know my husband hasn’t been in the water with our kids like ever!) , but he should do some of those things. It’s so important for a father to be involved in their lives.
He should respect you.
My biggest pet peeve is to hear parents criticize each other to or in front of their children. I originally began this one with “love and respect you,” but I decided to omit the love, because I completely understand that things happen and relationships end. However, they should never end up with parents using children as pawns in a dirty battle. Period. The father of your children should always show respect towards you-and you should show respect to him. I am a firm believer that no matter what happens, your children should see you supporting each other’s decisions and as united front; even if you are not united in a marriage or relationship any longer.(*This obviously does not include actually dangerous situations.*)
I know I’m young. I don’t remember a time where one of my classmates wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD. I come from a home where we have and have had a few different letters tacked onto our names. I always knew they were real, mental illnesses and developmental disabilities were just a thing of life.
I’ve heard a lot of remarks on both those things however. I frequent a few boards for mamas and it disgusts me how often there’s a mother on there saying her husband just doesn’t get their child’s autism.
Your child deserves someone who try to learn about it and work to help the child and themselves live with it. Not just live; thrive.
I married a guy who was homeschooled. I know for a fact that he wasn’t exposed to ADHD or autism or childhood depression/anxiety as much as I was-at least not on the level where it was named, diagnosed, and treated. We now have multiple children with a variety of diagnoses and yes, he has to work to learn more and be a better father to those specific diseases. I have had to learn to.
Your children deserve that from a father.
He should model skills and behaviors he wants his children to encompass someday.
Your kids will learn from their father. For better or worse, they will. You-and they-deserve someone who will teach them to be better, do better, and live better.
Now, mistakes? They happen. And little quirks can happen too. I don’t want my kids to learn to smile as though they’re in pain for photos.(Well anymore, Doodle already does that). I would prefer them not to gag if feet touch them. But those are small in comparison to the amazing parts of my husband. He works hard, he plays hard, and he prays hard. He loves me fiercely, loves them intentionally. Those are qualities I want my children to have. One of my favorite quotes is “Be with someone who you would be proud to see your sons become and your daughters marry.” That’s been on my heart so loudly since the beginning of being a mom. I’m lucky to have married a man who I would be proud to see my children become.
So young ladies out there, know you and your babies deserve a good father. They don’t have to hike trails with them, they don’t have to grill burgers and dogs on a Saturday afternoon. They can love the arts, love the cars, or love technology.
But they should also have these five qualities.
What is one amazing thing about your father?